Tag: personal growth
One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
—Andre Gide
Whenever we’re in the midst of transformation, we can expect to be uncertain. We are leaving behind the old and preparing for the new. This blog post, an excerpt from my book, Professional Destiny, is the next installment of last week’s discussion about Moving Through the Void.
“Get comfortable with uncertainty—it’s the time of our greatest opportunity. A time when all possibilities are open to us. If we hold our vision and resolve to take a step toward it each day, we can be assured that great uncertainty only lasts for a while. This too shall pass.
Oftentimes even when we start our journey, our fear of failing returns and our hope of finding our purpose fades. We have no proof that things will turn out the way we want so we are hesitant, or even unwilling, to take the risk. Sometimes it takes a great deal of pain to get us motivated. Our fearful beliefs immobilize us and slowly but surely kill our spirit. We can feel ourselves being drawn back to the comfort of familiar territory—even though we haven’t been happy there for a long time. We become more anxious and wonder if we are crazy for wanting to do this.
Sometimes fear can be good. It can motivate us into action, especially if we fear our situation will get worse if we don’t act now. But it is not good when it paralyzes us from moving forward. This is the point when we look into the unknown, feel our fear, take a deep breath and step forward anyway. Do it even if you’re scared.
If you are willing to do the thing you are afraid to do, you often do not have to. Face the situation fearlessly and watch it dissipate.
Most things we worry about never actually happen. So worrying is an unproductive emotion that drains our energy and creative forces. Sometimes we just need to find humor in our fears.
The longer we stay in an unfulfilling and unchallenging situation, the more resigned we become—and the more we risk losing our individuality, unique gifts and edge.”
It’s essential to catch ourselves when we feel the urge to stay complacent. While change can involve letting go of things that are familiar, the cost of settling in an unfulfilling situation may greater than we originally think. So, while uncertainty might not feel good at the moment—get comfortable—it can open our eyes to things we wouldn’t normally see and may turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
February 24, 2010
The void is a place you go into when you’re “in between.” It could be you’re in between jobs, in between relationships or you’ve just had a child leave home and you’re wondering what to do next. It’s a state of being when you let go of old things and prepare to move into the next level of growth. In the void you leave behind familiar patterns, habits, thoughts and actions. Think of a butterfly in a cocoon. The cocoon is the void. Just as a caterpillar enters the cocoon to be transformed into a butterfly, you go into a void to prepare yourself for your next level of transformation. You are preparing to fly high.
The void is a time when you’re shedding something that no longer fits the person you are becoming. It can be quite uncomfortable unless you learn to accept it as a natural and essential state. It’s a time of transition and may feel like all of your foundations are falling away, leaving you nothing solid to cling to. In other words, you know what the “no” is (what you’re leaving), but you don’t yet know what the “yes” is (what you’re moving to). The tough part is that the new is not quite here, but the old has not completely left.
This place of uncertainty, of not knowing—can be disconcerting, especially for those of us who like to plot and plan our life. It may feel like a time of not-doing or emptiness. Yet, it is meant to be a time to stop knowing in your usual way, so that you can begin to learn things in a new way. You may even feel that things are falling apart or that things that used to come easy to you, are no longer working. This is because you are meant to move on.
The void is a time when you:
- are expanding beyond your old habits and patterns
- learn to think in new ways
- replace things that are no longer working for you, with things that do
The following is an analogy I shared in my book, Professional Destiny…
“Imagine Tarzan swinging from vine to vine in the jungle. He can’t move forward on a new vine, without letting go of the vine he was on. If he holds on to the old vine and doesn’t grab the new one, he’ll go backward. If he tries to hold both vines, he’ll get stuck. He must let go of the old vine and grab the new one to ride forward to his destination.”
The void is that exact moment when you let go of the old vine and reach out to grab the new. You leave a place of security to venture into the unknown. The secret is to embrace this transitional time. It’s an opportunity to rest up, recharge and explore an expanded range of choices. Don’t worry if the new direction hasn’t quite shown up yet. Your job is to be open to all of the new possibilities so that you can recognize the best one ahead of you.
Our time in the void can last for hours, days, months or even years. Since all people go into a void at some point in their lives, and many of us experience it multiple times, how do we make the best of our experience there? Enjoy it! Just like the cocoon is to the butterfly, the void is a natural and essential state for your transition. It’s necessary to experience it to shake up your familiar structure in order to free you to think and act differently. You’ll move through it faster if you don’t resist. Rather than focusing on how uncomfortable you are, accept the unfamiliar and focus on the new opportunities that are open to you. You may not see the end-game at this point, but take the first step and the next steps will come. When you reach the turning point, circumstances will start appearing that are better and more satisfying than what you experienced in the past.
If all else fails, change your vocabulary. Instead of thinking of this time as a “void,” think of it as a “vacation.” You might as well enjoy it, because—like it or not—you’re going to be in it! Embrace it as your time to leave behind the old, prepare for the possibilities ahead of you and emerge fully ready to experience the new.
February 16, 2010
People with high levels of mastery…
cannot afford to choose between reason and intuition,
or head and heart, any more than they would choose
to walk on one leg or see with one eye.
—Peter Senge
When it comes to pursuing our Professional Destiny, many of us learn at a young age to tune out our intuition and choose the safe and secure route. In other words, we make a decision from the head, not the heart. But, does this path ultimately bring us success and fulfillment? Chances are—an overwhelming “no!” A choice made purely from the head is a choice that saps our creativity and motivation. We operate on autopilot and are simply not our best. On the other hand, a choice made from both the head AND heart is a choice that inspires and energizes us—and leads us to great breakthroughs. The following is an excerpt from Professional Destiny about the struggle between head vs. heart and the ultimate power of combining the two:
“The duel between reason and intuition, or head and heart, is a constant and powerful force in our lives.
Head—also known as our mind. It is the home of our rational thought and logic. Our drive for survival.
Heart—also known as the soul, spirit or essence. It is the home of our intuition (some also call it our “gut”). It is the home of our higher self and represents who we really are at the core.
HEAD VS. HEART
| Head |
Heart
|
Voice of reason
Rationality
Logic
Survival
Experience
Persona/Personality |
Inner voice
Intuition
Soul
Spirit
Possibilities
Essence |
Achieving stature and safety in life serves to satisfy and comfort the mind. At some point, if we are committed to a path of purpose, we will experience an insurgency of the soul—an insistent demand that we live more consciously and meaningfully. Our job is to stay focused on this deeper message, so that we can call it forth reliably and use its guidance to steer ourselves in a more satisfying direction.
The moment we stop learning is the moment we begin to stagnate. We go to sleep and our life becomes empty with an unsettling combination of anxiety and boredom.
Once you start on your journey and follow your deepest yearning, you won’t be able to turn back and keep it quiet. Human beings are born learning and growing. Even if you keep yourself so busy and pretend not to hear it, you will feel a deep sense of dissatisfaction and experience disenchantment with your life. Your inner voice will always be there, even if buried, waiting for you to listen.”
We are given the gifts of rationality (head) and intuition (heart). The former helps us with survival in the physical world we live in, the latter allows us to have breakthroughs that are genuine, unique and fresh. In terms of discovering your Professional Destiny, finding harmony in the combination of head and heart is the most powerful mix.
February 10, 2010
If you can dream it, you can do it.
—Walt Disney
The first step toward making a change in your life, or achieving anything truly important to you, is setting a vision. That means getting crystal clear on what you want. A strong vision motivates you to move forward toward your destination, even when you don’t quite know how to get there. And, it keeps you from bailing on your dream the moment things get tough. The following is an excerpt from Professional Destiny about how to set a vision…
“All greatness starts with a vision. You have to see your end game in order to get there. A strong vision is the building block for everything, and without it we can’t possibly achieve mastery in our talent or profession.
Have you ever heard of an Olympian who didn’t first dream of going to the Olympics?
Here’s why we need a vision:
Having a strong vision inspires and guides us to where we want to be, and helps us make decisions. If you clearly set a vision, you won’t be distracted and you won’t wander aimlessly. If you get off track temporarily, it will be easier to remember your vision and get back on your path.
A clear vision and sense of purpose motivates you. There is no other way to generate the tireless source of energy that you’ll need to accomplish your task. And you will need a tireless source—because embarking on your journey is a challenging task. It is a perilous journey where you encounter a series of tests, trials and setbacks. Difficulties and barriers are guaranteed to pop up along the way. There is no free lunch when you are pursuing your dream. And the bigger your dream, the bigger the challenges you can expect. However, if your vision is strong enough, you will view barriers as something to cross over, not as something that blocks your way. You see the end state and you have the motivation to pick yourself up after a setback in order to get there. Without a vision, you’ll most likely stop.
What makes a vision strong? A great vision is a clear statement of your purpose. It is:
A strong vision is something you can remember in a moment’s notice; it is an image you can call up on demand. It is a declaration of what you want to accomplish. It represents your deepest, most authentic goals and interests.
Most of all, a great vision is a vivid description of your desired end state. It creates a picture in your mind of the future you want.”
January 19, 2010
I’m always thrilled when I hear of someone who gained a new perspective from reading Professional Destiny—and last week was a big week for that! First, we heard the story of Diane LeBleu, and then Pete Hayes sent me a link to his blog, Phayes Two, where he had written about his experience. I consider this one of the greatest honors an author can have, and I’m delighted to share Pete’s inspiring story of how he gained the vision of his professional (and personal) destiny. Here’s how he tells it…
“When I left a senior executive position at a Fortune 500 company this past summer, I had a lot of thinking to do. It was clear that I wasn’t interested in jumping right back into the corporate world, but I wasn’t exactly sure how to nail down a vision of my future.
Good thing I met with Valerie Hausladen, former president of Tocquigny, plus head of Enfatico’s Austin office. She’d recently published her book Professional Destiny and was willing to talk about it over lunch with me. And the timing was perfect, because I was headed to New Mexico for backpacking the following week. Sitting in my tent in pouring rain for several days, I literally waded through her book, making notes and doing the exercises she suggested. Shazaam. I had my vision for my professional (and personal) destiny. It put my radar on alert so that when the opportunity to join Chief Outsiders rolled around, I was able to recognize it as a perfect fit with my goals.
So have a look. Read about Valerie here on her blog. And here in the Austin American-Statesman this week (a great read!). Thanks Valerie, on behalf of those like me who’ve been helped by your book, and those soon to be!
Thanks Pete and all others who have shared their experiences. If you have a Professional Destiny story to tell, please email me through the contact form on this site—I’d love to hear from you!
January 11, 2010
In the spirit of the holidays, I thought I’d change things up and dig out a light-hearted fairy tale I’d written back in 2006, when Professional Destiny wasn’t even yet a manuscript. Enjoy!
Once upon a time there was a little boy named Henri. Henri grew up in the perfect home with adoring parents who met his each and every need. Everyone he met looked at him with love, then cooed and showered him with attention. He viewed his new surroundings with wonder and awe—life was a curious, grand adventure!
When Henri got a little older, his parents brought him to his first musical performance. He was mesmerized by the singing and dancing, and simply couldn’t get it out of his head. He decided right then and there that he wanted to be involved in theatre—and perform onstage. He asked his mother and father for music and dance lessons, but to his dismay, they looked slightly concerned and tried to steer him in a different direction. In fact, he thought they seemed a little upset. He was puzzled. Luckily, on his tenth birthday, his favorite aunt came along and enrolled him in music and dance classes before anyone could object. He loved every moment and his teacher said that he had a gift. Bursting with pride, Henri eagerly shared some of his new dance moves with members of his fifth grade class—and it was a terrible experience. A few of the boys that he thought were his friends, mimicked him and told him he should play football instead. He felt betrayed and silly, and started to doubt himself since his friends and family all thought it was strange. Maybe the others were right. Henri decided never to speak of it again and quickly put his dream out of his mind.
Many years later, Henri went to college and decided to follow in his father’s footsteps. He studied finance and accounting. He didn’t really like finance but that’s what paid the bills, or so everyone said. Henri had learned from his painful fifth grade experience—and strived to be just like the others. During his senior year, though, fate stepped in. Henri had to fulfill one last “arts” requirement in order to graduate, so he enrolled in a drama class and once again was swept away by the thrill of theatre. He began writing musicals on the side as a way to distract him from the dreariness of finishing his finance major.
Henri graduated with honors and moved to New York. He became an investment banker and sure enough, did make money. A lot of it. He bought an upscale apartment, lived the high life and ate out every night. Henri navigated through life well enough, but couldn’t shake the feeling that something significant was missing. On the outside everything looked great, but on the inside he felt achingly empty. It was like his heart had a hole in it. He even considered anti-depressants.
Then one day, he met a girl on the subway. Her name was Rose. Rose wasn’t the type Henri usually dated but she looked happy and had a sparkle that he hadn’t seen in a very long time. He felt drawn to her—so he asked her to lunch. She told him that she worked at the Children’s Hospital and was in charge of entertaining the children who were treated there. Many of them had serious, life-threatening diseases like leukemia and cancer. Two nights later, Henri went with Rose to a watch play at the hospital. As he looked around and saw the children laugh, he realized that his heart felt full for the first time since he was a child. Before he could stop himself, he volunteered to write a musical for the next show, and she accepted.
Henri didn’t know what had come over him. He was a busy, important man and now he’d committed himself to this time-consuming project. He thought about backing out, but something made him go on and finish.
Several months later, as Henri sat with Rose on opening night, he was a bundle of nerves. The musical began and Henri looked around and saw himself surrounded by hundreds of brave, young children who had momentarily forgotten their illness, and sat mesmerized and laughing. In that instant his heart felt so full that he thought it would burst.
Henri became a changed man. He found himself writing more musicals and plays and he found himself spending more time with Rose. Soon he realized that she was the one for him and within months they married in a small church nearby. They decided to pursue their dreams and with a little trepidation, Henri gave up his job on Wall Street.
Life became a bit more challenging for Henri, and he and Rose had to make some financial sacrifices to get by. His friends and parents were concerned about him. Those same doubts came back, the ones that made him put aside his dream so long ago—only this time, he refused to give in to them.
The more energy Henri put into the musicals, the better they got. Soon they were beginning to be produced off Broadway and critics were taking notice. His shows attracted larger and larger audiences, until one day his favorite musical ended up on Broadway. It was a dream come true! Henri never looked back after that. He became an “overnight” success in New York (of course, we all know it wasn’t overnight!) and he brought laughter and entertainment to thousands of people.
Night after night as the theatres were packed, Henri and Rose reserved front row seats for the children who had inspired this journey. As he sat watching those little faces fill with joy, Henri experienced a sense of satisfaction he had never known before… and with that feeling deep in his heart, he and Rose lived happily ever after.
It’s this sense of joy and contribution that motivates each and every one of us. And for this holiday season, I wish you all this same kind of deep fulfillment that Henri and Rose journeyed to find.
December 22, 2009
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I thought I’d celebrate with a different type of blog post. It’s about being grateful. I discovered many years ago that being grateful is a magical force. It’s a gift to the person you’re grateful to and it has the unexpected benefit of being a huge gift to YOU!
If you think about it, it’s impossible to feel lousy and grateful at the same time! If you want to come out of a negative space—if you are feeling drained, or you’ve been in an upsetting situation—you can quickly change your outlook and how the rest of the day unfolds by thinking of all the wonderful things in your life (down to the tiniest detail) and saying thanks. Get serious about it and see for yourself if it isn’t true. Spend the first few minutes of your day giving thanks for the nice things that happened (a sincere smile in the grocery store, an unexpected surprise or a thoughful gesture) and see how your mood and outlook changes. And when they change, you’re ready to take on remarkable things.
As I mention in my book, Professional Destiny, your head is the home of rational thought and logic. Your heart is the home of intuition and your true essence. Both are essential, but in the day-to-day grind, it’s often easier to stay in your head. Gratitude and thanks are a path straight to your heart. They take you out of the mentality of right and wrong, good and bad, and an unsatisfying place of judgment. They put you in a more positive space and magnetize you to the great things in life—the things you want. When you give thanks, you attract more.
So as you prepare to celebrate on this day of Thanksgiving—spend an extra few moments to recognize even the smallest blessings—and see how good you feel.
November 26, 2009
When you’re in the midst of change, or venturing into unknown territory, it can be a fragile time—you’re in transition. I call this the incubational stage and it can take a little time to build yourself up. At this stage, you’re at a crucial, sometimes vulnerable, point and it’s important to surround yourself with people who support your vision. Think of yourself as a little seedling that has just sprouted—you’re full of potential, but still fragile, so you need to protect yourself from being trampled before you’re fully established. The best way to do this is to surround yourself with support and avoid the naysayers!
Naysayers can be people close to you. As I write in Professional Destiny, “There are people who support you and help you to feel empowered, positive and on the right track. When you are with them you feel supported and energized. Then there are people who operate from a negative space, the naysayers, the ones who bring you down. You’ll know them by the feeling you have when you are with them—you feel deflated, like the wind was just taken out of your sails. You feel drained when you are around them. Try to clearly identify the people who have your highest good in mind and surround yourself with them.”
Naysayers can also be business contacts. A friend of mine told me, “I was disheartened when I first moved to Austin. Everyone said Austin was harder to make it as an independent contractor than Dallas. I was more expensive. For almost a year I had to say ‘no, no and no’ to lowball compensations offers. It was almost a year, before I said yes. People didn’t value my service and didn’t want to pay me what I’m worth. An advisor asked me ‘why do you even stay when this happens? Get up and leave. I wouldn’t have the success I have today, if I stuck around with the naysayers.’ So, I chose to love myself and value my work, and leave. Now it has paid off.”
It’s hard enough staying on top of the fear, uncertainty and doubt that takes root in our own minds, so we certainly don’t need anyone else feeding it. When you’re fostering an idea, it’s such an incubational time that it’s critically important to block out the naysayers. If you allow the naysayers in, every time you listen to what they’re saying, you hand your power over and dishonor your gift. And, if you’re going to dishonor your gift, the question is do you really want to do what you love? To do what you love, you have to put your big girl (or big boy) pants on and honor your potential. This also means clearing the negative voices in your head, listening to your heart and marrying the two. In my book, I call this the “Killer Combo.” When you’re listening to your head AND your heart, you’re functioning as a more powerful force – you become so strong you deflect the naysayers and the negativity. Then you’re freed up to accomplish great things. Your heart gives your head the signal and you’re clear enough to do what you really love.
November 3, 2009
Trevor Romain telling his story
At my book signing in Austin last Thursday, Trevor Romain (bestselling children’s author, speaker and TV personality whose story is featured in my book) made a comment during his talk about moving from his career in advertising to becoming an author of children’s books. He said he had “grown tired of trying to sell things to people that they didn’t need” and decided to do something that made a difference.
This spurred a lively discussion afterward with a close friend who asked me, “What if your ‘professional destiny’ is in something like advertising?” What if you’re meant to be the world’s best creative director and you get great joy from that? Are you making a judgment that you need to leave everything behind and go change the world?
It’s a great question. But, the answer could be different for each one of us.
My premise in Professional Destiny is that we all have natural gifts—things we are uniquely good at and love to do—and that we are happiest when these gifts are expressed and shared. There is nothing like the feeling of tapping into our gifts every day and applying them to something that we feel is genuinely making a difference.
This brings me to the subject of “career dissonance.” If you are in a profession, feeling great joy and are in line with your values, that’s awesome—keep going—full steam ahead!! You could be a trash collector feeling that you’re cleaning the earth while supporting your family, a lawyer representing people who genuinely need help or in advertising, promoting something that you believe in—it really doesn’t matter. But, if you are in a profession and you feel dissonance between your gifts, values and what you are being asked to do—then change is needed.
Using advertising as an example: Let’s say you are very health-conscious and only eat natural, organic foods. You work in an agency, loving what you do, until suddenly you are assigned to the new fast-food account that your agency just won (like Wendy’s or Dairy Queen). At this point you encounter career dissonance. You have amazing creative gifts and you love to apply them, but you’re at odds with working on this account. An option for you might be to ask to be assigned somewhere else or, if that’s not possible, change agencies and work on an account that resonates with you. If you apply your magnificent talents to a company who sells products you believe in (like a local, organic market or Whole Foods), you can experience tremendous joy.
Bottom line: if you’re doing what you love and believe in, and getting to practice your gifts every day, then go for it—there is no career dissonance happening in your world!
October 8, 2009
One of my greatest joys is to meet people who are wholeheartedly embarking on their Professional Destiny—and Noi Wegiel is clearly one of them! Noi is the creator of exquisitely hand-crafted, Austin-made natural chocolate treats & delights. Each and every piece of her decadent chocolate is truly a work-of-art, with a pairing of flavors that is unforgettably delightful. She uses the finest ingredients mother nature has to offer and many of her products are organic, raw, sugar-free and gluten-free (although for the hard-core sugar enthusiasts, some are still sinful!). In addition, she holds a commitment to using ingredients from sustainable suppliers, and supports organic and natural living. Truly this is a case where you need to taste to fully experience her chocolate magic, but it’s fascinating and inspiring to hear Noi’s Professional Destiny story until that wonderful moment:
“I’m from Thailand, and I moved to the United States when I was 17. When I arrived here, I didn’t know how to cook at all. Because I didn’t speak English very well, the only job I could get was in the kitchen at a cafeteria-type restaurant. They put me in the pastry department and I learned—on the job—how to bake. Soon, I got interested in cakes. Every time I made a cake in the restaurant, I thought to myself, ‘this could be prettier.’ To learn more, I bought a book on sale about cake decorating. I was fascinated by learning the technique, but the book was from England and they used fondant (sugar paste) to cover the cake to make it smooth and beautiful. I couldn’t immediately find anyone here to teach me how to use fondant (I learn best by watching), but after a few years, I found someone to teach me how to professionally cover the cake and make the gorgeous, life-like flowers. After that, things seemed to take off. I believe that once the student’s ready, the teachers show up. I was so hungry (no pun intended) to learn more! I started finding tons of teachers who taught me how to decorate cakes, and within three years I became the teacher.
A number of years ago I had another turning point. I needed surgery and had to stay in bed for six weeks. Because I was bedridden, I couldn’t do anything but watch TV and read books. I read a book that changed my life—it was called “Sugar Blues.” It talked about how sugar affects people and is the cause of several medical problems. It was then that I started looking for classes to teach the healthy version of making beautiful desserts—and I become the student once again.
I studied conscious eating and built an awareness of using quality ingredients in the foods I prepare. I started checking labels and using organic and local sustainable ingredients whenever possible. The struggle I faced was that I had perfected the art of making pastries with traditional ingredients such as eggs, butter, milk, sugar, etc., but I still needed some work on how to make the new, healthy way taste even better. Not to mention that my friends and family thought it was weird to make desserts this way and didn’t really understand my quest!
I overcame the taste challenge by experimenting. I don’t tend to follow rules and this gives me creative power. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. When it works, I duplicate it. I record all of my successes and they become my recipes. Now all my chocolates are made with organic ingredients and most have delicious natural sweeteners such as agave and maple syrup.
My passion started with baking and pastry, then it changed to cake decorating, then food carvings and then chocolate. I’ve always believed that God wanted us to do whatever our passion is. We all have a unique ability and now my passion is chocolate and raw food. I love to eat good chocolate. I love creating it and discovering the way ingredients combine together to make something delicious, beautiful and tasty. My joy comes from seeing people light up when they eat something I create and when they ask, “how did you do that?!” Most of all, I know it’s healthier than what they can typically buy in the stores.
Most people do meditation while sitting and quieting their mind, I do mine in the kitchen. I tune into whatever I’m doing—preparing food, making cakes and pastries, and especially chocolate!
My advice to others is that it doesn’t matter what you do, just do it. You have to believe and do it with your heart. For each person it’s different—be responsible, but do what moves you. If you think something is your passion, go with it. If it works out, that’s great; if not, make a change and try again. Do what you love and savor life’s sweet moments.”
A sampling of Noi’s “heavenly bites” will to be available at my book signing tonight at BookPeople. Come and experience the bliss for yourself.
October 1, 2009
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One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
