Tag: personal growth
Transition in life can be like entering a long, dimly-lit tunnel. One moment you’re driving through comfortable surroundings and next, you find yourself suddenly underground, not knowing exactly when you’ll emerge. Whether you are changing careers, ending a relationship or starting an entirely new chapter in life, it takes confidence, strength and commitment to see the light on the other side.
In Professional Destiny, I talk about the importance of discipline of the mind, body, soul and actions. Here is an abbreviated excerpt from the book about the importance of preparing your mind in order to fast-track to your next destination.
“Align your thoughts with the future you want to create. Your thoughts are weaving your reality, so be aware of the reality your thoughts are creating. Are your thoughts from the past—or from your vision? Dwelling on thoughts from the past can hold you back, while thoughts of the future can begin creating a new reality. Are your thoughts serving you? If not, change them to align with your vision.
Enlarge your view of possibilities. Look openly at things and see all possibility. Don’t see only what your eyes see right in front of you. If you do, you accept limitation. Actively search to see new potential.
Break the chains of negative thought. As soon as you recognize a limiting thought—fear, uncertainty, doubt, limitation, guilt—replace it with your vision. Remind yourself of the progress you’ve already made in the past week, month or year. It helps to write down your accomplishments so you can feel a real sense of satisfaction.
Rally against the fear and stop all self-effacing and tentative behaviors. This means actively weeding out self-doubt. The first step is awareness. Notice when you are back-tracking on yourself, or giving yourself excuses for why your dream might not work out. Squash the idea of sellout plans and how to rationalize them. When you are tempted to compromise and settle for something easier… don’t.
Closely guard your confidence and sense of self-worth. If you feel them slipping, remind yourself of how valuable you are and that your time is precious. If you have moments when you can’t see this for yourself, seek out someone who will see it for you.
Make commitments. Every morning make two commitments: a “To Be” commitment based on who you want to be today and a “To Do” commitment based on what you want to achieve. Your “To Be” commitment sets the tone for the day and your “To Do” list ties to the importance of your goals. Determine what step is necessary to make something happen. As you complete a task, cross it off your list and give yourself a sense of accomplishment.
Value your time. Another important part of discipline is not distracting yourself with appointments or tasks that don’t advance your goals. Your time is your most important asset. Value it.”
Discipline of the mind is essential for getting from point A to point B, especially when you’re in unfamiliar and uncomfortable surroundings. When you equip your mind with an unshakable belief that you can and will move forward, you’ll soon find that the light at the end of the tunnel is much closer than you think.
March 10, 2010
A ship in harbour is safe,
but that is not
what ships are built for.
—William Shed
Following your Professional Destiny is like a ship setting sail on an open sea. It’s a great adventure. To reach your destination requires preparation, guts and a strong commitment. You must be willing to journey into the open sea, beyond the safe harbor of your current surroundings. This requires moving past comfort and complacency. Confident that you are the captain of your ship, you can determine and adjust your course even when outside forces affect your journey. You have a compass, your inner guidance, to direct you. If there’s a storm raging and drama all around you, it may be momentarily drowned out and you’ll likely be tossed around—but that is temporary. With your ship in good working order and your crew (or people who support you) in place you’ll weather the storm and arrive at an exciting new destination. Here are six tips to help you on your way to finding your Professional Destiny:
Prepare yourself for the journey. Like a true professional, you need to practice your gift every day. To do this you must be fit, rested and have your physical and mental capacities about you.
Trim down to the essentials. Make sure your mind and body are fit for the task in front of you. You must have the stamina, strength and essentials that you need—but only the things you need. Leave all the extra weight behind.
Get focused and determined. Growth is a journey, and on any journey you will encounter unforeseen obstacles. Your ability to overcome these barriers will determine whether you succeed. It takes complete dedication, a whatever-it-takes mindset.
Overcome the fear of moving into unknown territory. You might have to struggle when you venture into something new. Worst of all, you don’t know what’s out there. Your mind tells you maybe it’s better to stay right where you are in the known and comfortable. Abandoning your vision seems like the safer, more logical choice, but it comes at a tremendous and incalculable price.
Be responsible. Realize that you are the driver of your life and you have the ability to respond to each situation. Take ownership. Steer the ship. You cannot take a hands-off approach and expect to become a master of your gift.
Dare to be remarkable. If you pattern yourself after others, you will be like others and consequently will be… ordinary. The people who show an absolute conviction to make it, who pick themselves up when they fall, who fully invest their effort, time and energy, are the ones who accomplish extraordinary results.
Do not expect the journey to be short. It never is. You can have the destination in mind, but the journey will take you in directions you never imagined going. Looking back you will see that these were places you needed to go. They were experiences you needed to have, or lessons you needed to master, to prepare you for your destiny—the career you were born for. When considering whether to set sail into new waters, remember a ship isn’t built to stay in the harbor—and neither are we.
March 1, 2010
One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
—Andre Gide
Whenever we’re in the midst of transformation, we can expect to be uncertain. We are leaving behind the old and preparing for the new. This blog post, an excerpt from my book, Professional Destiny, is the next installment of last week’s discussion about Moving Through the Void.
“Get comfortable with uncertainty—it’s the time of our greatest opportunity. A time when all possibilities are open to us. If we hold our vision and resolve to take a step toward it each day, we can be assured that great uncertainty only lasts for a while. This too shall pass.
Oftentimes even when we start our journey, our fear of failing returns and our hope of finding our purpose fades. We have no proof that things will turn out the way we want so we are hesitant, or even unwilling, to take the risk. Sometimes it takes a great deal of pain to get us motivated. Our fearful beliefs immobilize us and slowly but surely kill our spirit. We can feel ourselves being drawn back to the comfort of familiar territory—even though we haven’t been happy there for a long time. We become more anxious and wonder if we are crazy for wanting to do this.
Sometimes fear can be good. It can motivate us into action, especially if we fear our situation will get worse if we don’t act now. But it is not good when it paralyzes us from moving forward. This is the point when we look into the unknown, feel our fear, take a deep breath and step forward anyway. Do it even if you’re scared.
If you are willing to do the thing you are afraid to do, you often do not have to. Face the situation fearlessly and watch it dissipate.
Most things we worry about never actually happen. So worrying is an unproductive emotion that drains our energy and creative forces. Sometimes we just need to find humor in our fears.
The longer we stay in an unfulfilling and unchallenging situation, the more resigned we become—and the more we risk losing our individuality, unique gifts and edge.”
It’s essential to catch ourselves when we feel the urge to stay complacent. While change can involve letting go of things that are familiar, the cost of settling in an unfulfilling situation may greater than we originally think. So, while uncertainty might not feel good at the moment—get comfortable—it can open our eyes to things we wouldn’t normally see and may turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
February 24, 2010
The void is a place you go into when you’re “in between.” It could be you’re in between jobs, in between relationships or you’ve just had a child leave home and you’re wondering what to do next. It’s a state of being when you let go of old things and prepare to move into the next level of growth. In the void you leave behind familiar patterns, habits, thoughts and actions. Think of a butterfly in a cocoon. The cocoon is the void. Just as a caterpillar enters the cocoon to be transformed into a butterfly, you go into a void to prepare yourself for your next level of transformation. You are preparing to fly high.
The void is a time when you’re shedding something that no longer fits the person you are becoming. It can be quite uncomfortable unless you learn to accept it as a natural and essential state. It’s a time of transition and may feel like all of your foundations are falling away, leaving you nothing solid to cling to. In other words, you know what the “no” is (what you’re leaving), but you don’t yet know what the “yes” is (what you’re moving to). The tough part is that the new is not quite here, but the old has not completely left.
This place of uncertainty, of not knowing—can be disconcerting, especially for those of us who like to plot and plan our life. It may feel like a time of not-doing or emptiness. Yet, it is meant to be a time to stop knowing in your usual way, so that you can begin to learn things in a new way. You may even feel that things are falling apart or that things that used to come easy to you, are no longer working. This is because you are meant to move on.
The void is a time when you:
- are expanding beyond your old habits and patterns
- learn to think in new ways
- replace things that are no longer working for you, with things that do
The following is an analogy I shared in my book, Professional Destiny…
“Imagine Tarzan swinging from vine to vine in the jungle. He can’t move forward on a new vine, without letting go of the vine he was on. If he holds on to the old vine and doesn’t grab the new one, he’ll go backward. If he tries to hold both vines, he’ll get stuck. He must let go of the old vine and grab the new one to ride forward to his destination.”
The void is that exact moment when you let go of the old vine and reach out to grab the new. You leave a place of security to venture into the unknown. The secret is to embrace this transitional time. It’s an opportunity to rest up, recharge and explore an expanded range of choices. Don’t worry if the new direction hasn’t quite shown up yet. Your job is to be open to all of the new possibilities so that you can recognize the best one ahead of you.
Our time in the void can last for hours, days, months or even years. Since all people go into a void at some point in their lives, and many of us experience it multiple times, how do we make the best of our experience there? Enjoy it! Just like the cocoon is to the butterfly, the void is a natural and essential state for your transition. It’s necessary to experience it to shake up your familiar structure in order to free you to think and act differently. You’ll move through it faster if you don’t resist. Rather than focusing on how uncomfortable you are, accept the unfamiliar and focus on the new opportunities that are open to you. You may not see the end-game at this point, but take the first step and the next steps will come. When you reach the turning point, circumstances will start appearing that are better and more satisfying than what you experienced in the past.
If all else fails, change your vocabulary. Instead of thinking of this time as a “void,” think of it as a “vacation.” You might as well enjoy it, because—like it or not—you’re going to be in it! Embrace it as your time to leave behind the old, prepare for the possibilities ahead of you and emerge fully ready to experience the new.
February 16, 2010
People with high levels of mastery…
cannot afford to choose between reason and intuition,
or head and heart, any more than they would choose
to walk on one leg or see with one eye.
—Peter Senge
When it comes to pursuing our Professional Destiny, many of us learn at a young age to tune out our intuition and choose the safe and secure route. In other words, we make a decision from the head, not the heart. But, does this path ultimately bring us success and fulfillment? Chances are—an overwhelming “no!” A choice made purely from the head is a choice that saps our creativity and motivation. We operate on autopilot and are simply not our best. On the other hand, a choice made from both the head AND heart is a choice that inspires and energizes us—and leads us to great breakthroughs. The following is an excerpt from Professional Destiny about the struggle between head vs. heart and the ultimate power of combining the two:
“The duel between reason and intuition, or head and heart, is a constant and powerful force in our lives.
Head—also known as our mind. It is the home of our rational thought and logic. Our drive for survival.
Heart—also known as the soul, spirit or essence. It is the home of our intuition (some also call it our “gut”). It is the home of our higher self and represents who we really are at the core.
HEAD VS. HEART
| Head |
Heart
|
Voice of reason
Rationality
Logic
Survival
Experience
Persona/Personality |
Inner voice
Intuition
Soul
Spirit
Possibilities
Essence |
Achieving stature and safety in life serves to satisfy and comfort the mind. At some point, if we are committed to a path of purpose, we will experience an insurgency of the soul—an insistent demand that we live more consciously and meaningfully. Our job is to stay focused on this deeper message, so that we can call it forth reliably and use its guidance to steer ourselves in a more satisfying direction.
The moment we stop learning is the moment we begin to stagnate. We go to sleep and our life becomes empty with an unsettling combination of anxiety and boredom.
Once you start on your journey and follow your deepest yearning, you won’t be able to turn back and keep it quiet. Human beings are born learning and growing. Even if you keep yourself so busy and pretend not to hear it, you will feel a deep sense of dissatisfaction and experience disenchantment with your life. Your inner voice will always be there, even if buried, waiting for you to listen.”
We are given the gifts of rationality (head) and intuition (heart). The former helps us with survival in the physical world we live in, the latter allows us to have breakthroughs that are genuine, unique and fresh. In terms of discovering your Professional Destiny, finding harmony in the combination of head and heart is the most powerful mix.
February 10, 2010
If you can dream it, you can do it.
—Walt Disney
The first step toward making a change in your life, or achieving anything truly important to you, is setting a vision. That means getting crystal clear on what you want. A strong vision motivates you to move forward toward your destination, even when you don’t quite know how to get there. And, it keeps you from bailing on your dream the moment things get tough. The following is an excerpt from Professional Destiny about how to set a vision…
“All greatness starts with a vision. You have to see your end game in order to get there. A strong vision is the building block for everything, and without it we can’t possibly achieve mastery in our talent or profession.
Have you ever heard of an Olympian who didn’t first dream of going to the Olympics?
Here’s why we need a vision:
Having a strong vision inspires and guides us to where we want to be, and helps us make decisions. If you clearly set a vision, you won’t be distracted and you won’t wander aimlessly. If you get off track temporarily, it will be easier to remember your vision and get back on your path.
A clear vision and sense of purpose motivates you. There is no other way to generate the tireless source of energy that you’ll need to accomplish your task. And you will need a tireless source—because embarking on your journey is a challenging task. It is a perilous journey where you encounter a series of tests, trials and setbacks. Difficulties and barriers are guaranteed to pop up along the way. There is no free lunch when you are pursuing your dream. And the bigger your dream, the bigger the challenges you can expect. However, if your vision is strong enough, you will view barriers as something to cross over, not as something that blocks your way. You see the end state and you have the motivation to pick yourself up after a setback in order to get there. Without a vision, you’ll most likely stop.
What makes a vision strong? A great vision is a clear statement of your purpose. It is:
A strong vision is something you can remember in a moment’s notice; it is an image you can call up on demand. It is a declaration of what you want to accomplish. It represents your deepest, most authentic goals and interests.
Most of all, a great vision is a vivid description of your desired end state. It creates a picture in your mind of the future you want.”
January 19, 2010
I’m always thrilled when I hear of someone who gained a new perspective from reading Professional Destiny—and last week was a big week for that! First, we heard the story of Diane LeBleu, and then Pete Hayes sent me a link to his blog, Phayes Two, where he had written about his experience. I consider this one of the greatest honors an author can have, and I’m delighted to share Pete’s inspiring story of how he gained the vision of his professional (and personal) destiny. Here’s how he tells it…
“When I left a senior executive position at a Fortune 500 company this past summer, I had a lot of thinking to do. It was clear that I wasn’t interested in jumping right back into the corporate world, but I wasn’t exactly sure how to nail down a vision of my future.
Good thing I met with Valerie Hausladen, former president of Tocquigny, plus head of Enfatico’s Austin office. She’d recently published her book Professional Destiny and was willing to talk about it over lunch with me. And the timing was perfect, because I was headed to New Mexico for backpacking the following week. Sitting in my tent in pouring rain for several days, I literally waded through her book, making notes and doing the exercises she suggested. Shazaam. I had my vision for my professional (and personal) destiny. It put my radar on alert so that when the opportunity to join Chief Outsiders rolled around, I was able to recognize it as a perfect fit with my goals.
So have a look. Read about Valerie here on her blog. And here in the Austin American-Statesman this week (a great read!). Thanks Valerie, on behalf of those like me who’ve been helped by your book, and those soon to be!
Thanks Pete and all others who have shared their experiences. If you have a Professional Destiny story to tell, please email me through the contact form on this site—I’d love to hear from you!
January 11, 2010
In the spirit of the holidays, I thought I’d change things up and dig out a light-hearted fairy tale I’d written back in 2006, when Professional Destiny wasn’t even yet a manuscript. Enjoy!
Once upon a time there was a little boy named Henri. Henri grew up in the perfect home with adoring parents who met his each and every need. Everyone he met looked at him with love, then cooed and showered him with attention. He viewed his new surroundings with wonder and awe—life was a curious, grand adventure!
When Henri got a little older, his parents brought him to his first musical performance. He was mesmerized by the singing and dancing, and simply couldn’t get it out of his head. He decided right then and there that he wanted to be involved in theatre—and perform onstage. He asked his mother and father for music and dance lessons, but to his dismay, they looked slightly concerned and tried to steer him in a different direction. In fact, he thought they seemed a little upset. He was puzzled. Luckily, on his tenth birthday, his favorite aunt came along and enrolled him in music and dance classes before anyone could object. He loved every moment and his teacher said that he had a gift. Bursting with pride, Henri eagerly shared some of his new dance moves with members of his fifth grade class—and it was a terrible experience. A few of the boys that he thought were his friends, mimicked him and told him he should play football instead. He felt betrayed and silly, and started to doubt himself since his friends and family all thought it was strange. Maybe the others were right. Henri decided never to speak of it again and quickly put his dream out of his mind.
Many years later, Henri went to college and decided to follow in his father’s footsteps. He studied finance and accounting. He didn’t really like finance but that’s what paid the bills, or so everyone said. Henri had learned from his painful fifth grade experience—and strived to be just like the others. During his senior year, though, fate stepped in. Henri had to fulfill one last “arts” requirement in order to graduate, so he enrolled in a drama class and once again was swept away by the thrill of theatre. He began writing musicals on the side as a way to distract him from the dreariness of finishing his finance major.
Henri graduated with honors and moved to New York. He became an investment banker and sure enough, did make money. A lot of it. He bought an upscale apartment, lived the high life and ate out every night. Henri navigated through life well enough, but couldn’t shake the feeling that something significant was missing. On the outside everything looked great, but on the inside he felt achingly empty. It was like his heart had a hole in it. He even considered anti-depressants.
Then one day, he met a girl on the subway. Her name was Rose. Rose wasn’t the type Henri usually dated but she looked happy and had a sparkle that he hadn’t seen in a very long time. He felt drawn to her—so he asked her to lunch. She told him that she worked at the Children’s Hospital and was in charge of entertaining the children who were treated there. Many of them had serious, life-threatening diseases like leukemia and cancer. Two nights later, Henri went with Rose to a watch play at the hospital. As he looked around and saw the children laugh, he realized that his heart felt full for the first time since he was a child. Before he could stop himself, he volunteered to write a musical for the next show, and she accepted.
Henri didn’t know what had come over him. He was a busy, important man and now he’d committed himself to this time-consuming project. He thought about backing out, but something made him go on and finish.
Several months later, as Henri sat with Rose on opening night, he was a bundle of nerves. The musical began and Henri looked around and saw himself surrounded by hundreds of brave, young children who had momentarily forgotten their illness, and sat mesmerized and laughing. In that instant his heart felt so full that he thought it would burst.
Henri became a changed man. He found himself writing more musicals and plays and he found himself spending more time with Rose. Soon he realized that she was the one for him and within months they married in a small church nearby. They decided to pursue their dreams and with a little trepidation, Henri gave up his job on Wall Street.
Life became a bit more challenging for Henri, and he and Rose had to make some financial sacrifices to get by. His friends and parents were concerned about him. Those same doubts came back, the ones that made him put aside his dream so long ago—only this time, he refused to give in to them.
The more energy Henri put into the musicals, the better they got. Soon they were beginning to be produced off Broadway and critics were taking notice. His shows attracted larger and larger audiences, until one day his favorite musical ended up on Broadway. It was a dream come true! Henri never looked back after that. He became an “overnight” success in New York (of course, we all know it wasn’t overnight!) and he brought laughter and entertainment to thousands of people.
Night after night as the theatres were packed, Henri and Rose reserved front row seats for the children who had inspired this journey. As he sat watching those little faces fill with joy, Henri experienced a sense of satisfaction he had never known before… and with that feeling deep in his heart, he and Rose lived happily ever after.
It’s this sense of joy and contribution that motivates each and every one of us. And for this holiday season, I wish you all this same kind of deep fulfillment that Henri and Rose journeyed to find.
December 22, 2009
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I thought I’d celebrate with a different type of blog post. It’s about being grateful. I discovered many years ago that being grateful is a magical force. It’s a gift to the person you’re grateful to and it has the unexpected benefit of being a huge gift to YOU!
If you think about it, it’s impossible to feel lousy and grateful at the same time! If you want to come out of a negative space—if you are feeling drained, or you’ve been in an upsetting situation—you can quickly change your outlook and how the rest of the day unfolds by thinking of all the wonderful things in your life (down to the tiniest detail) and saying thanks. Get serious about it and see for yourself if it isn’t true. Spend the first few minutes of your day giving thanks for the nice things that happened (a sincere smile in the grocery store, an unexpected surprise or a thoughful gesture) and see how your mood and outlook changes. And when they change, you’re ready to take on remarkable things.
As I mention in my book, Professional Destiny, your head is the home of rational thought and logic. Your heart is the home of intuition and your true essence. Both are essential, but in the day-to-day grind, it’s often easier to stay in your head. Gratitude and thanks are a path straight to your heart. They take you out of the mentality of right and wrong, good and bad, and an unsatisfying place of judgment. They put you in a more positive space and magnetize you to the great things in life—the things you want. When you give thanks, you attract more.
So as you prepare to celebrate on this day of Thanksgiving—spend an extra few moments to recognize even the smallest blessings—and see how good you feel.
November 26, 2009
When you’re in the midst of change, or venturing into unknown territory, it can be a fragile time—you’re in transition. I call this the incubational stage and it can take a little time to build yourself up. At this stage, you’re at a crucial, sometimes vulnerable, point and it’s important to surround yourself with people who support your vision. Think of yourself as a little seedling that has just sprouted—you’re full of potential, but still fragile, so you need to protect yourself from being trampled before you’re fully established. The best way to do this is to surround yourself with support and avoid the naysayers!
Naysayers can be people close to you. As I write in Professional Destiny, “There are people who support you and help you to feel empowered, positive and on the right track. When you are with them you feel supported and energized. Then there are people who operate from a negative space, the naysayers, the ones who bring you down. You’ll know them by the feeling you have when you are with them—you feel deflated, like the wind was just taken out of your sails. You feel drained when you are around them. Try to clearly identify the people who have your highest good in mind and surround yourself with them.”
Naysayers can also be business contacts. A friend of mine told me, “I was disheartened when I first moved to Austin. Everyone said Austin was harder to make it as an independent contractor than Dallas. I was more expensive. For almost a year I had to say ‘no, no and no’ to lowball compensations offers. It was almost a year, before I said yes. People didn’t value my service and didn’t want to pay me what I’m worth. An advisor asked me ‘why do you even stay when this happens? Get up and leave. I wouldn’t have the success I have today, if I stuck around with the naysayers.’ So, I chose to love myself and value my work, and leave. Now it has paid off.”
It’s hard enough staying on top of the fear, uncertainty and doubt that takes root in our own minds, so we certainly don’t need anyone else feeding it. When you’re fostering an idea, it’s such an incubational time that it’s critically important to block out the naysayers. If you allow the naysayers in, every time you listen to what they’re saying, you hand your power over and dishonor your gift. And, if you’re going to dishonor your gift, the question is do you really want to do what you love? To do what you love, you have to put your big girl (or big boy) pants on and honor your potential. This also means clearing the negative voices in your head, listening to your heart and marrying the two. In my book, I call this the “Killer Combo.” When you’re listening to your head AND your heart, you’re functioning as a more powerful force – you become so strong you deflect the naysayers and the negativity. Then you’re freed up to accomplish great things. Your heart gives your head the signal and you’re clear enough to do what you really love.
November 3, 2009
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