I’ve been thrilled to receive so many positive reactions to my first book, Professional Destiny. One of the comments I hear most often is that the subject matter is incredibly timely since so many people are rethinking their careers or dealing with change that’s been thrust upon them.
When I wrote Professional Destiny my goal was to inspire and motivate others to rediscover their natural talents and choose satisfying and meaningful work. My hope is that more people might find the confidence they need to launch themselves into “the career they were born for” — and find out more about the joys, fears, obstacles and tests they can expect along the way. To that end I’m pleased to offer this special:
Buy Two and Get a Signed Copy Free!
This is how it works: Buy two copies of Professional Destiny at Amazon.com or bn.com (Barnes and Noble) by December 20th and I’ll send you a third copy–signed and personalized–for free. You’ll even qualify for free shipping at both sites! All you have to do is forward a copy of your Amazon or Barnes & Noble email receipt to: info@professionaldestiny.com. Be sure to include the name and address to whom you’d like me to send the book along with special instructions (if any) of how you’d like the book personally inscribed. I will send it via ground delivery upon receipt, so it will arrive in time for the holiday. (Remember, it’s only possible for me to sign the third book that I send, not the first two copies shipped directly from Amazon or B&N.) Remember, the sooner you purchase the books and forward the receipts, the sooner your friend or family will receive the signed book. All receipts must be received by December 20th at the latest, to ensure Christmas delivery.
I deeply I appreciate your wonderful, ongoing support for Professional Destiny, and I wish you and your families a joyous holiday season.
Thank you for a wonderful year!
– Valerie
November 28, 2010
Last night as I was pondering what to write in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I picked up a book that my friend, Perch Ducote—one of the wisest men of all—suggested I read. It’s called, The First 30 Days, by Ariane de Bonvoisin and she’s a fellow Stanford grad.
As I thumbed through the pages, I landed upon a section called “Comparison Sickness.” It caught my attention. After all, how many of us get caught in the comparison trap? I found myself in it earlier just that same day.
If we honestly look at our thoughts, I’d wager a bet that many of us have a mind that points out each and every one of our shortcomings. I’ve written about this very topic at length in Professional Destiny. There I call it the “little voice.” Our little voice says things like this:
“Look at her success. Why do things seem easy for her? She’s got it together—I don’t.”
“Why is he making so much money and I’m not. Will I wallow here forever? Everything he touches seems to turn to gold, but for me—it’s a constant struggle.”
“She’s more fit and more engaging than I am. Her clothes are nicer too. I should just fade into the wall paper whenever she’s around.”
Then I read this story about comparisons and complaints in Ariane’s book. It went like this:
“One day, God was listening to all the comparisons people were making to others, and he asked each person to put all their problems in a transparent bag and place it in a separate room. Then he asked everyone to line up and, one by one, go into this room and pick a bag, any bag. Since the bags were transparent, everyone could see what others were going through—all the changes in their lives, the decisions they had to make, their complaints and their struggles with others. The first person looked around and finally decided to leave with his own bag. The next person did the same thing; she left with the bag she dropped off. In the end, everyone picked up his or her own bag. Why? Because we are meant to work through our problems, changes and crises. Even though it may not feel like it at the moment, you have not been given anything you cannot handle. In fact you’re an expert in dealing with your unique set of challenges.”
This story contains such a relevant message for us during the week of giving thanks. Sure we have our share of problems and complaints—and our bag might seem worse than anyone else’s. But when it all comes down to it, we’re perfectly equipped to handle what we’ve got. And it we compare the other way, we can always find someone with a bigger and heavier bag to carry than ours.
It’s a wonderful reminder to be grateful for what we have. Happy Thanksgiving!
November 24, 2010
Finding your purpose and practicing it in your profession is an immensely gratifying and productive experience. Your Professional Destiny is Work (with a capital “W”) that reflects a deep desire with you. It’s Work that inspires you and ignites your creativity. But, how do you know if you are in it? Here are nine indicators, excerpted from my book, that will tell you:
You are engaged. When you’re doing what you love, you become passionate about your work and lose track of time. You feel alive, energetic and creative. There is simply not enough time in the day to do what you can’t wait to do.
You feel on track. Things come naturally. Work seems easy, though it may not for others—because you’re exercising your gift. Your level of satisfaction is your true guidance system.
You feel honest. You’re being yourself. You’re pursuing a path that is in line with your values and interests, and you’re living in true authenticity with yourself.
You become lighter. Being true to your values allows you to shed a huge burden—the burden of maintaining a facade. You instantly experience a sense of relief as the weight is lifted.
You are committed. You clearly set your vision and do what you say you will. You may not know how you are going to get there or when, but you know that you will.
You operate with compassion. Your sense of individual freedom gives you a new sense of community. Your interactions become genuinely rewarding and you create true connections with others.
You make a contribution. What you are doing is meaningful and, while you may be well compensated, your driving force is contribution above money.
You are fulfilled. When you fully express your gifts, talents and creativity, you feel a deep-seated sense of satisfaction. Being on the path to reaching your full potential just feels great.
You make a difference. Your work positively impacts others in a most meaningful way. You’re confident that you’re leaving a legacy, and you’re gratified by that knowledge.
Ultimately, your Professional Destiny is a soul-level urge to fully express yourself and try something deeply interesting to you. It’s a dream that you carry inside—maybe it’s time to let it out.
November 16, 2010
When pursuing your Professional Destiny, the difference between knowing where you want to go and actually getting there is discipline. In my book, I talk about the four types of discipline—of the mind, body, soul and actions—that are essential for maintaining focus and staying on course. In an earlier post, I’ve written about discipline of the mind. Yet to accomplish anything great, you must also make sure both your mind—and body—are fit for the task. Here is an excerpt from Professional Destiny about how to achieve discipline of the body:
- Hone yourself for your best performance. Like a true professional, you need to practice your gift every day. To do this you must be fit, rested and have your physical and mental capacities about you. Avoid substances that numb your mind and distract you from your goals. Focus on being alert and clear.
- Get energized. To pursue your passion, you must have energy and be strong enough to be in the places you need to be. Your body is what gets you there so it is important to take care of it. Healthy food is like high-performance fuel. Your engine will work better with it. You need energy to go the extra mile and accomplish your goals.
- Get active. Physical activity and exercise gets you revved up. During any physical training you develop good habits that serve you in life such as developing mental toughness to get through pain, becoming laser-focused and forcing yourself to continue even when you feel like quitting.
- Do not see yourself as trapped inside a limited body. Your greatest driver is your will—your will to succeed. With a strong will you can accomplish almost anything.
- Be physically and mentally prepared for a race of learning and doing. Prioritize your action items and plot your course. Meet your appointments. Jump over any hurdles that threaten to hold you back so you can put them behind you. And then go full speed.
- Lose the weight. This refers not so much to your physical weight, as your energetic weight. Streamline your relationships and your possessions and take only the essentials that you need. This means pulling the plug on draining or unhealthy relationships and breaking the bonds to unnecessary material possessions that keep you anchored.
In a sense, making significant change is like preparing for a marathon. It takes commitment, stamina and a huge dose of physical and mental discipline. Now the question is… are you ready for the run?
November 9, 2010
Valerie Hausladen and Marcie Finney
I’ve written extensively about the power of friends, having support to help you stay on course and avoiding naysayers (including your mind) while you pursue your dreams.
Today the Austin American-Statesman wrote an article entitled: A coffee with… Marcie Finney and Valerie Hausladen: A friendship steeped with admiration, success about one of my incredible friendships. Marcie is a talented jewelry designer and inspiration who I’ve written about before (see an earlier blog called Seeds of Change). Today’s article in the Statesman tells of the ways we support each other.
And it also talks about Professional Destiny (of course!) and gives the first press about my upcoming book…
A key takeaway is this: the path toward doing what you love always has a few bumps along the way, but if you have good friends and strong support, you’ll find that the road seems just a bit smoother.
Enjoy!
October 28, 2010
One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
—Andre Gide
Last night I gave a Professional Destiny talk at the Stanford Women’s Group of the East Bay. (Thanks to Christie Jordan for inviting the group to her home and being such a truly phenomenal host!)
When you’re with a group of such talented and astute women you can expect to get some great questions. And I did! One of my favorites was when I was asked about my scariest point of transition from corporate executive to consultant, coach and author.
It brought me back right to the heart of the matter.
My answer was that the first time I made the change was the hardest—by far—because I had no idea what to expect. It’s uncomfortable to step away from the known and into the unknown. It’s like a ship leaving harbor to venture out into the open sea.
So many of us are bound by golden handcuffs that make us feel secure, even if we’re not entirely happy. We don’t know exactly who we will be without our work identity and reputation. We don’t know what our future will look like, and we’re not sure how to proceed. We wonder if we will ever make money again. Or, if we’ll even recognize ourselves when we’re through. It’s a disconcerting journey—and definitely not for the faint of heart.
One of the hardest things to get used to is not knowing how long our term of transition from one point to the next will last. This applies to many life changes including a change in profession. For example, if we’re in the midst of career transition (whether voluntary or involuntary) we often have no idea how long we’ll have to be in this provisional existence. When will we cross the sea, so to speak, and get from here to there?
If we could know we would have a happy ending tomorrow, we would be fine. Yet, there’s no known date for things to get better and we wonder if our current uncertainty will be endless. But it’s all part of the journey. And that brings me to another favorite quote:
“A ship in harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for.”—William Shed
When contemplating change, sometimes we simply have to remember, that just as ships are not built to stay in the harbor, neither are we.
October 21, 2010
The path to reinvention may seem daunting in the beginning. What does it take to gain momentum?
(Note to readers: I’ve had so many questions on the following subject that I thought it was time to bring back an oldie, but goodie. This article was originally published for More.com.)
The journey to doing what you love is not for the faint of heart. The beginning can be downright tough. It takes strength, discipline and an unwavering commitment. At times, it even can feel like you’re pushing a massive boulder. In the beginning you need to clearly set your vision and become focused intensely on self-awareness: taking stock of your strengths, your interests, what you are good at and what you are not. You commit to being authentic with yourself, knowing yourself so completely that you become immune to self-deception. Then you get to the hard work…
The following is an excerpt from Professional Destiny…
“Imagine a large boulder sitting right in front of you and you need to move it to get started with your business and on your path.
In the first stage, the formulation stage, you define your vision and become self-aware saying, ‘This is who I am, this is where I am going and this is what I’m about.’ You begin the creation process.
In the second stage, the concentration stage, you need to give a concentrated amount of energy to make it happen. It is a time to prove to the Universe that you are committed and that you mean what you say. It is about discipline. If you say you are going to make ten calls today, you make ten calls. When you don’t feel like it, make the next one. You show confidence—you tell the world ‘watch out, I’m coming, don’t mess with me. I am absolutely the right person to make this happen.’
The concentration stage is no fun. It is when you start pushing the boulder and there is inertia—total resistance—at first. It hasn’t moved for a long time, but you need to push it, drive it and not give up. You may feel like you are fighting the Universe because you put a lot more energy out than you get back. You’re working hard, yet there are not a lot of results. It takes grit, determination, strength of will and persistence. You don’t see much progress in the beginning, but you keep your shoulder to the boulder and keep pushing. You refuse to become a victim and insist ‘I will make this happen. I’ve got the power. I can do it.’ Eventually the boulder will budge and begin to move. Slowly at first. But keep pushing, concentrate on pushing.
In the third stage, the momentum stage, the boulder gradually begins to move a little easier. It generates momentum and begins to take on a life of its own. Things start happening and you begin seeing the fruits of your labor. At this point the boulder moves without much effort. The forward movement is exciting and motivating. You experience the beginnings of success. The secret to continued success, however, is to keep pushing—calling, networking and managing so that the boulder doesn’t slow down and force you to overcome inertia again.”
Moving a boulder takes equal amounts of vision and discipline. Your vision must be strong enough to inspire you when the going gets tough. And you must have discipline to overcome the obstacles on your path. The moral of this story is that when you feel like there’s a massive boulder in your way—the only way to gain momentum is to power through.
October 4, 2010
Last week in one of my coaching sessions, my client and I had a riveting discussion about financial survival vs. doing what you love. This incredible individual is an extremely talented and capable person, but has unfortunately been out of a job for a while. She now feels like she’s reached the point of no return where she has to take any job to pay her bills and was deeply troubled that she was giving up and selling out.
She recently read Professional Destiny so I reminded her of the Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs discussion included right up front in chapter three. It’s essential to remember that our needs build upon each other. To demonstrate this, Maslow presents the hierarchy of needs as a triangle. At the base are Physiological (physical survival needs) and Safety (the need for security and stability). These needs MUST be met before you can address the higher level of Self Actualization at the top. As I mentioned in an earlier post When Temporary Work Leads to Your Life’s Work, if you’re living at a survival level and spending most of your time worrying about paying your bills and meeting basic needs, it’s quite hard to focus on finding your life’s work. If you’re anxious on a daily basis, you may want to consider taking a temporary job to pay the bills while you focus on finding your ideal career. In other words, it’s important to find a way to generate enough income so that you’re not in turmoil over a lack of it.
Even if an opportunity isn’t your idea of the perfect career, it can help you build a foundation while you focus on other things. You’ll be more effective and creative, if you’re not anxiety-ridden and struggling to survive.
If you find yourself in a financial crisis situation, my advice is twofold:
1. Take a survival job—and feel good about it! There is absolutely no shame in taking care of yourself. In fact, it’s smart. It’s incredibly hard to find your Professional Destiny if you’re beginning to panic about how to pay your rent, support your children or put food on the table. Take a position to ease the stress and meet your basic needs for survival and safety. But don’t stop there…
2. Invest time in your future. Find a minimum of three hours a week (in the evenings or weekends) to pursue your passion and develop your skills. It could be that you attend night school or vocational training. It could be that you build your website for a business that you want to start and begin building a community or customer base. Or it could be that you volunteer in an organization that you’re passionate about. As you learn the ropes, you’ll meet new people and build new contacts in the exact field you’re interested in. Who knows? You may be the next one hired!
As Maslow suggests, once your survival needs are met you are free to focus on your full self expression. Then you’ll have more energy and confidence to find work that truly energizes you, taps into your creative energy and reawakens your spirit. The path to your Professional Destiny isn’t always an expressway, but with determination and persistence you will get there.
September 21, 2010
Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.
—Seneca
When good fortune strikes it’s best to be prepared. If you are, you’ll be able to capitalize on a golden opportunity when it comes along. While the process of discovering the career you were born for is incredibly rewarding, it also takes a great deal of discipline. Discipline can make the difference between knowing where you want to go and actually getting there.
The following is an excerpt from Professional Destiny of effective ways to be prepare yourself for that opportunity you’ve been waiting for:
Prioritize. Determine the things that need to be done in order to meet your goal and prioritize them in order of importance. Make time to practice your gift every day, whatever it is, by reading, studying or building a network of people who can support your efforts, inspire you and help move you along.
Be decisive. When you face a choice and need to make a decision, choose what means the most to you, even if it’s difficult. Deciding is the first step. Even if you make a wrong decision, you are at least making movement and gaining experience. You can quickly correct it. Remember: not deciding is deciding. It is deciding to do nothing.
Take action. Discipline of action and procrastination are polar opposites. Conquer the resistance that tends to want to put short-term gratification first. Get determined and weed out any urge to procrastinate as soon as you feel it take hold. Then walk your talk and have your actions match your commitments.
Handle the difficulties. Life is tough, and having discipline means that you handle the difficulties. After all, problems don’t go away by themselves. Ignoring unpleasant tasks is an act of procrastination. A natural tendency is to want to handle the more pleasant tasks at hand first, but that just keeps the problems looming out on the horizon, like a big, depressing weight pulling you down. It can affect your mood, your health and your sense of initiative. Difficult situations must be addressed head-on or remain a block to your growth and development. When you face a significant challenge, develop an action plan and write the steps down. Then force yourself to tackle part of it, or all of it, before you do anything else—especially the things that are easier. The benefit is that you can put the unpleasant things behind you and enjoy a sense of accomplishment.
Get determined. Growth is a journey, and on any journey you will encounter unforeseen obstacles. Your ability to overcome these barriers will determine whether you succeed. It takes complete dedication, a whatever-it-takes mindset.
Practice, practice, practice. Practice your gift every day and develop your skills. Be willing to be a student and take time to learn. People who become the best at what they do devote time to their chosen profession. Set aside a chunk of time every day. This is easy if you do what you love, and love what you do.
Be responsible. Realize that you are the driver of your life and you have the ability to respond to each situation. Take ownership. You cannot take a hands-off approach and expect to become a master of your gift.
Dare to be remarkable. If you pattern yourself after others, you will be like others and consequently will be… ordinary. The people who show an absolute conviction to make it, who pick themselves up when they fall, who fully invest their effort, time and energy, are the ones who accomplish extraordinary results.
September 8, 2010
In continuation from a post I’ve done earlier about the difference between Head vs. Heart, we are given two very powerful gifts—rationality and intuition—to help us navigate through life. Our head (the home of rationality) helps us with survival and keeps us safe. Our heart (the home of intuition) allows us to have breakthroughs that are genuine, unique and fresh. In terms of discovering your Professional Destiny, finding harmony in the combination of head and heart is the ultimate combination.
As I wrote in my book, learning to hone your intuition during the interview process is a huge advantage. Here’s an excerpt of how it helped me in business:
“In the workplace, intuition is especially useful for making all-important employee hiring decisions, or for choosing a business partner. For example, during the interviewing process some people are polished interviewers and present themselves well, but then turn out to be much less impressive when they’re on the job. Others are less polished, but you have an inexplicable sense they will be great contributors on a day-to-day basis. Often it all comes down to your intuition. After making a hiring mistake early in my management career, I learned to hone my intuition during the process and pay attention to my gut feelings. I developed what I called “my lower left corner” interviewing process. I took notes throughout the interview and would record the answers to my questions on a sheet of paper in front of me for future reference but in the lower left corner I would record my “impressions”—whatever struck me during the interview. I might be interviewing a perfectly polished individual and get the feeling that he is “cocky” and that would go in the corner. Or I might be interviewing someone who says all the right things but can’t make eye contact with certain questions and I record that as a warning sign.
On the other hand, I may be interviewing someone who is a little nervous, but who I can tell has high integrity and a strong work ethic. I record that in the lower left corner too. After the interview, I weigh my intuition along with the candidate’s answers and experience. If I suspect a possible flaw, I ask myself if it is something we could live with. For example, I may get the feeling that someone will be nervous giving a presentation and then decide that it is okay in this position because someone else will be the public face. Often that is a livable weakness. If the “flaw” that I suspect is of someone’s character or integrity, however, I will not overlook it, no matter what the qualifications or how urgently I need to fill the position. It always comes back to bite you. When I have gone back and compared my “lower left corner” notes to my perceptions of people six months after they are hired, I have found them to be almost always accurate. In fact, it wasn’t that I didn’t intuit the weakness accurately, the only unpredictable variable seemed to be my judgment of how much, or how little, that “weakness” would impact the person’s performance in that particular role.”
When interviewing, it’s important to ask questions to understand a person’s nature, not just focus on their experiences. How do they operate? How do they think? How do they deal with adversity? Do they strike you as honest? Yes, you want someone who has job experience, but you also want someone you trust and want to be around. Honing your intuition can help you find the perfect match.
August 25, 2010
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