Moving Through the Void
February 16, 2010
The void is a place you go into when you’re “in between.” It could be you’re in between jobs, in between relationships or you’ve just had a child leave home and you’re wondering what to do next. It’s a state of being when you let go of old things and prepare to move into the next level of growth. In the void you leave behind familiar patterns, habits, thoughts and actions. Think of a butterfly in a cocoon. The cocoon is the void. Just as a caterpillar enters the cocoon to be transformed into a butterfly, you go into a void to prepare yourself for your next level of transformation. You are preparing to fly high.
The void is a time when you’re shedding something that no longer fits the person you are becoming. It can be quite uncomfortable unless you learn to accept it as a natural and essential state. It’s a time of transition and may feel like all of your foundations are falling away, leaving you nothing solid to cling to. In other words, you know what the “no” is (what you’re leaving), but you don’t yet know what the “yes” is (what you’re moving to). The tough part is that the new is not quite here, but the old has not completely left.
This place of uncertainty, of not knowing—can be disconcerting, especially for those of us who like to plot and plan our life. It may feel like a time of not-doing or emptiness. Yet, it is meant to be a time to stop knowing in your usual way, so that you can begin to learn things in a new way. You may even feel that things are falling apart or that things that used to come easy to you, are no longer working. This is because you are meant to move on.
The void is a time when you:
- are expanding beyond your old habits and patterns
- learn to think in new ways
- replace things that are no longer working for you, with things that do
The following is an analogy I shared in my book, Professional Destiny…
“Imagine Tarzan swinging from vine to vine in the jungle. He can’t move forward on a new vine, without letting go of the vine he was on. If he holds on to the old vine and doesn’t grab the new one, he’ll go backward. If he tries to hold both vines, he’ll get stuck. He must let go of the old vine and grab the new one to ride forward to his destination.”
The void is that exact moment when you let go of the old vine and reach out to grab the new. You leave a place of security to venture into the unknown. The secret is to embrace this transitional time. It’s an opportunity to rest up, recharge and explore an expanded range of choices. Don’t worry if the new direction hasn’t quite shown up yet. Your job is to be open to all of the new possibilities so that you can recognize the best one ahead of you.
Our time in the void can last for hours, days, months or even years. Since all people go into a void at some point in their lives, and many of us experience it multiple times, how do we make the best of our experience there? Enjoy it! Just like the cocoon is to the butterfly, the void is a natural and essential state for your transition. It’s necessary to experience it to shake up your familiar structure in order to free you to think and act differently. You’ll move through it faster if you don’t resist. Rather than focusing on how uncomfortable you are, accept the unfamiliar and focus on the new opportunities that are open to you. You may not see the end-game at this point, but take the first step and the next steps will come. When you reach the turning point, circumstances will start appearing that are better and more satisfying than what you experienced in the past.
If all else fails, change your vocabulary. Instead of thinking of this time as a “void,” think of it as a “vacation.” You might as well enjoy it, because—like it or not—you’re going to be in it! Embrace it as your time to leave behind the old, prepare for the possibilities ahead of you and emerge fully ready to experience the new.
Filed under: Transition
4 Comments Leave a Comment
1. Karen Kalisek | February 16, 2010 at 2:02 pm
The void you speak of is actually very relevant to those who are in financial despair and/or foreclosure as well as those who are experiencing uncertainty in their professional careers. These things are all interrelated.
Having gone through the void, I can now appreciate the process. Was it painful? Yes. Was it devastating? Yes.
It was a death of another way of life, and it came with the grief associated with death. There is not a ‘one size fits all’ solution. There is not a ‘quick fix’. Everyone has their own discoveries.
It has been 24 years, since we lost everything, but the memories are raw with the current economic and employment conditions. I understand that the numbers quoted on the nightly news are a reflection of real people living the life I once lived.
What I know now is that it helped me become the woman I am today. I appreciate the process, cherish the lessons learned and I ‘Pay It Forward’ at every opportunity.
2. Valerie Hausladen | February 16, 2010 at 3:56 pm
@Karen:
Thank you for sharing your story. Sounds like you emerged transformed with some cherished lessons from that painful experience. We gain great strength when we realize we can live through extremely challenging times.
3. Dickran Guerguerian | February 17, 2010 at 1:04 am
The Tarzan example is great, but somehow doesn’t get to the void, as I know it.
I would change your analogy a little bit when describing the void. It’s more than just letting go of one vine to grab another. In fact, I wouldn’t even say that the void is that moment in time just after you let go of the vine and just before you grab the next one. That weightlessness between vines when you are literally flying, is also not the void.
Sure It might be scary because if you don’t grab the next vine coming, having already let go of the last vine, then you will fall to your peril, or so you think. And for us over-achievers, it means if you don’t grab the next vine, then that fear of failure will rear its ugly head.
For others, taking that leap of faith to grab the next vine is thrilling. In many ways, I have come to enjoy that, having switched careers, and allowed myself to use my experiences to ready myself for that next vine.
But you know what? The true void is not the vine to vine. It is not the weightless moment either, in my opinion. If is the failing to grab that vine, only to smack the earth hard. Only to feel yourself question your surefootedness. I think it is the falling part, which is the void. When you are on the ground. But once on the ground, you can rest. You can re-train. You can take on the vines again, assuming the void hasn’t traumatized you to the point where your resiliency fails you…and of course assuming when you hit the ground, you didn’t die.
All in all, I would say the void is manageable, whether a bad economy or a natural disaster. What may not be manageable, however, is when it is a person waiting to cut the vine as you grab it. But that’s another story altogether.
4. Anaïs Laurent | February 17, 2010 at 2:21 pm
I find all this discussion about stability, losing one thing to grasp another, manageable things and what not, difficult to understand. Each day of my life is filled with change that never lets me become comfortable, habit-ridden, because I’m not in the same place or time frame long enough.
There is a lovely word I learned sometime ago, Shushumna. As I understand it, it is that moment where we no longer are what we were, nor are we what we shall become, it is the moment of becoming, the process of becoming. It is the wave at its peak, the instant before it collapses upon itself, or unfurls letting go of the immense energy of the surge forward to reuperate a new energy in its return to the ocean through an undertow that can be destabilizing. Perhaps this would be a moment of void, but it is not empty for me, it is a renewal of energy in a new direction.
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