Eliminate the Naysayers
November 3, 2009
When you’re in the midst of change, or venturing into unknown territory, it can be a fragile time—you’re in transition. I call this the incubational stage and it can take a little time to build yourself up. At this stage, you’re at a crucial, sometimes vulnerable, point and it’s important to surround yourself with people who support your vision. Think of yourself as a little seedling that has just sprouted—you’re full of potential, but still fragile, so you need to protect yourself from being trampled before you’re fully established. The best way to do this is to surround yourself with support and avoid the naysayers!
Naysayers can be people close to you. As I write in Professional Destiny, “There are people who support you and help you to feel empowered, positive and on the right track. When you are with them you feel supported and energized. Then there are people who operate from a negative space, the naysayers, the ones who bring you down. You’ll know them by the feeling you have when you are with them—you feel deflated, like the wind was just taken out of your sails. You feel drained when you are around them. Try to clearly identify the people who have your highest good in mind and surround yourself with them.”
Naysayers can also be business contacts. A friend of mine told me, “I was disheartened when I first moved to Austin. Everyone said Austin was harder to make it as an independent contractor than Dallas. I was more expensive. For almost a year I had to say ‘no, no and no’ to lowball compensations offers. It was almost a year, before I said yes. People didn’t value my service and didn’t want to pay me what I’m worth. An advisor asked me ‘why do you even stay when this happens? Get up and leave. I wouldn’t have the success I have today, if I stuck around with the naysayers.’ So, I chose to love myself and value my work, and leave. Now it has paid off.”
It’s hard enough staying on top of the fear, uncertainty and doubt that takes root in our own minds, so we certainly don’t need anyone else feeding it. When you’re fostering an idea, it’s such an incubational time that it’s critically important to block out the naysayers. If you allow the naysayers in, every time you listen to what they’re saying, you hand your power over and dishonor your gift. And, if you’re going to dishonor your gift, the question is do you really want to do what you love? To do what you love, you have to put your big girl (or big boy) pants on and honor your potential. This also means clearing the negative voices in your head, listening to your heart and marrying the two. In my book, I call this the “Killer Combo.” When you’re listening to your head AND your heart, you’re functioning as a more powerful force – you become so strong you deflect the naysayers and the negativity. Then you’re freed up to accomplish great things. Your heart gives your head the signal and you’re clear enough to do what you really love.
Filed under: Doing What You Love
6 Comments Leave a Comment
1. Carrie Glassmeyer | November 3, 2009 at 7:04 pm
This is so true. I am in that same phase and am vulnerable, so I am very careful about who I talk to about my plans. I made the mistake this very day of speaking to someone who I wasnt sure about and sure enough, I left the meeting crying and convinced I could not do what I wanted to do. That I was not capable nor competent enough. I was treated like I had nothing to offer and couldnt possibly succeed.
So my advice is to be careful and insulate yourself. Dont worry about the competition or what others are doing. This helps you listen to that inner voice that will guide you to where you need to be. And if it tells you that you need advice, you will know who to trust, who the right person is to talk to. And you will be right every single time. You need people that can boost your confidence when you feel shaky and remind you of why you started trying to do what you are doing in the first place!
So there is no room for negativity or jealousy or anything of that nature. I knew it and disregarded that inner voice…it was telling me something, but I couldnt hear “what” it was saying. So I went ahead and met with this person. Dont make the same mistake I made
2. Carrie Glassmeyer | November 3, 2009 at 7:39 pm
I would also like to say that in times like these, when the economy is in the state that its in, we all can fall prey to feelings of fear and even desperation. Its an energy that seems to be floating around, everywhere you go. And its catching, just like a disease!
I know there are times when I am just talking to someone and hear about someone doing well and I feel fear rising within and start to think, to myself: “Oh goodness! I will never make it! if they are doing well, I wont!”.
Its a momentary lapse of reasoning when I suddenly feel that there isnt enough to go around! And this is so funny to me because there is enough of everything for everyone. And when we get desperate, we are afraid and we can choose to accept that and move on, even laugh at ourselves OR we can give into it and let teh fear take over and get greedy.
The main thing I know is that regardless of what is happening around me, I want to stay true to myself. So I dont want to become a different person just because the economy is suffering. I will still give free advice. I will still help someone out for trade or at a reduced rate. And I do this because that is who I am, naturally. At my core, I am generous and helpful. And I truly believe that there is not only enough to go around for everyone’s success, but the more we help one another, the more opportunities present themselves.
I dont know if this is karma, the universe looking out for all of us or not. But I do know that it makes me stay centered and focused and real. And that is what keeps me on course (whatever course that may be
)
3. Abe Khamis | November 4, 2009 at 2:55 am
This is so true.
There are three types of people in this world.
1) Uppers (Energisers)
2) Downers (Naysayers)
3) Floaters (I really did not notice him???)
Seek the uppers, avoid the downers and take or l;eave the floaters.
Most importantly, keep smiling, choose your attitude and choose to be an upper!
4. thom singer | November 8, 2009 at 8:45 am
Abe’s comment was right on what I was going to write… but I have found that the distribution of the three types is not even.
About 10% of the people in your life will support and praise you all the time.
About 10% of the people in your life will find ways to be negative or undermine your dreams.
The rest are indifferent to your goals and achievements.
The funny part is the 10% who lift you up and the 10% who tear you down are not often whom you would identify in advance for these roles. I am always surprised by who is my biggest fan and who is my biggest critic!!!
5. Chris Lionetti | November 11, 2009 at 10:38 am
You are missing the very important aspect of balance. I agree that your attitude is the most undervalued thing you have complete control over. The problem is that you need to not dismiss the naysayers, you need to negate them. If someone says that something wont work, or some process isn’t right, don’t just dismiss the criticism. They might have a valid point that you should incorporate into your thought process or solution. In fact a naysayer can be your best ally once you have negated the deficiencies they might be bringing to light. If they are being downers without any constructive criticism then you have no need for them.
In the same vein I also avoid those who are supportive but have NO idea what you are doing.Cheerleaders aren’t helpful, sure they make you feel good, but they don’t actually add value. Look for people who understand the situation or solution for criticism, and from those people consider carefully if your idea is with merit and can be improved, or you could actually be a bozo.
I am approaching this from an engineering perspective, and dealing with other types of jobs, this advice may not be as valuable. I have the benefit that my beliefs can eventually be proven in a lab environment. Spent 5 Years at Dell in Product Engineering for Enterprise Storage, and Custom Engineering in Austin. Was a pretty yet crazy fun time.
6. Professional Destiny &raq&hellip | October 28, 2010 at 2:48 pm
[...] extensively about the power of friends, having support to help you stay on course and avoiding naysayers (including your mind) while you pursue your [...]
Leave a Comment
XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
TrackBack URL | RSS feed for comments on this post.